Sellophane

This is Vereschagin's painting Apotheosis of War (1871), it came to be admired as one of the earliest artistic expressions of pacifism.
Do any of us wonder why??

***

Listening to Gypsy Kings cover of Hotel California, maybe it's the song. Maybe it's something else I am really sad now. No, it's not your usual brand of self-pitied sorrow that stems from some random, unimportant event that you will forget about in a day, maybe a week or maybe even longer. No, I can't trace back this melancholy back to someone or something. It's just a general emotion that has pervaded into me. It's a mixture of everything maybe, the inevitability of my exams, doubt. I just read something in I's blog, maybe it's not meant to be read in such a manner but I somehow can't feeling the twang of it right into my core. It's this sweet smelling potion that we are concocting here, and we need to keep mixing nectar into it? Not because you want to, but because otherwise the potion spills. But what if, I decide to let the potion spill. Do something that I want. Place the I above the them. Maggie had partial duties, a duty to Philip and one to Lucy. She also had a duty to herself, didn't she?? What if??

Memory.


I miss her, I really do.
Last coherent conversation we had.

Hanedin: So you are leaving, eh?
R: Ya, I guess this is it then...
Hanedin: So, you got any piece of advice for me?
R: Just stay away from that girl man?! She is just wrong for you?
Hanedin: Haha, do not worry. Fuck I ain't getting back together with her.

I watched as she hugged him. Let us call him X for convenience sake. I watched as she hugged X and I hurriedly suppressed what could have been the surprising string of jealousy. No can't be I said to myself

(Er, I did go out with her, i.e. the girl I was told not to go out with, now I don't know whether I did the right thing or not.)
She left, now the obvious question arises...was I in love with this girl. Well, no not really. R however was the only person who understood me. Sigh, I was really attracted to her though, I always wanted to kiss her.
I had to meet her the last day, the day she left. I wish I didn't now
the inequality of needs. I needed her, she never did.
Somethings are just not meant to be.

PS: R ----> NOT RADZ!!!